Soft Bed of Down

A mountain in Georgia is calling my name
Just bought a ticket on the southbound train
Two thousand miles in wind and the rain
Chaco is carrying Toesocks to Maine


Last time we left Georgia Toesocks would lead
Smiling and happy with “BELIEVE” as her creed
Though she was much older, to hikers she’d say…
Each blaze I will walk, slackpackin' NO WAY!


We walked for three months with the rain and the bears
Blown north by THE DREAM, no worries, no cares
We slept in the tents, the shelters, the towns
Cozy and warm in our soft bed of down

Our last trip together, this time she may lag
Passing each blaze on my back in that bag
Protected from cold and snow she’ll be found
Still cozy and warm in our soft bed of down


A mountain in Georgia is calling my name
Just bought a ticket on the southbound train
Two thousand miles in wind and the rain
Chaco is carrying Toesocks to Maine

-yfp-

Chaco and Toesock's Last Great Adventure

The last six months have been, well ......like an long evil episode of the Twilight Zone. Not quite sure where's it was going, if it was real, or if it was just a bad dream that I would eventually wake from. Hard as I tried to carry on like I know Toesocks would have without me, it has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows the like of which I have never experienced. Even now as I prepare to carry her ashes the 2180 miles of the Applachhian Trail, I just cannot get excited and find myself dragging my feet and not wanting to even gather up the gear.....our gear.....to begin this journey. But the journey will begin, I will meet new and fantastic people on the AT, friends and family will join "us" along the way and she will be a thru-hiker! She will always be at Springer and Katahdin and special places along the trail. Of all the places we travelled and all the adventures we had, from paddling with orcas in Alaska to camping in brown bear country, from the great Everglades to the rugged Oregon coast she was the happiest while on the AT. The reason was simple.....it was the people she met along the trail and in the towns as we hiked north. Toesocks loved people and everyone she met loved her. She never had a bad day on the trail, no matter the weather or the difficulty of the hike she was always smiling and laughing and enjoying the wonderful people we encountered.
  Today I bought the ticket for Amtrak to take me to Gainesville Georgia where the Hiker Hostel will pick me up, give me a bunk for the night, breakfast and a ride to the trailhead that leads to Springer Mountain, the southern terminus of the 2180 mile long Appalachia Trail. I plan to start the four to five month trek to Maine on April 1st which is fitting being All Fools Day!!

The Frog and the Ladybug

The Frog and the Ladybug rode up to the sky,
Each on a kite to ride higher than high,
The Frog came back down with a tear in his eye,
His Lady the Bug had bid him goodbye,
She found her own wings and away she did fly,
The Frog filled his pond with the tears he did cry.
                             -yfp-

Travel On

Time to travel on draws near,
Already missing those so dear,
Her calling voice sometimes unclear;
If you think I forgot you don't fear,
You are always in my heart right here,
Soon together on the road up there,
Family to hold you forever my dear!

-yfp-

Finding Grace

Lose the me - go inside
Find the self - do not hide
Maverick orb spinning round
Leaving space finding ground
Touch the earth - reaching out
Letting go - come back about
Feel the peace - find the edge
Pull together - drive no wedge
Unworn paths - where they lead
Some are known - some unseen
New found world - ancient place
Searching souls - finding grace

-yfp-

Homeless

I pass the homeless on the street
And look and wonder why
 I walk to dine in your fine home
Then eat but want to cry
I am you see between the two
And pray that when I die
I'm not alone and on some street
With others passing by
So next  time as I walk on pass
And see them in their sty
Unlike before I'll stop and ask
If I can help or try
Each one's a Mom or Dad or Son
Or worse....a Daughter...sigh!
We're just a paycheck or so
From meeting eye to eye
-yfp-

Sisters Four

I have four sisters I surely like
Each one different, each alike
First came me then sisters two
Add a brother then two more too
Each a beauty and if keeping score
Next more beautiful than the one before
Each unique in their own way
Not one best on a given day
One is funny, one is smart
One is serious, one is not
One is loving, one is kind
One is trying to make up her mind
One is bold, one is meek
One hugs my arm walking down the street
One likes walking, one likes wine
One teaches me yoga from time to time
One likes dogs, one likes cats
One likes horses and cowboy hats
One likes coffee, one likes tea
One likes hiking in the woods with me
They are the best these sisters four
Just not possible to love them more
I'll steal a line which I hope you'll pardon...
" Four different flowers from the same garden"

-yfp-

She Was The Music

All I have left of her is this poem
Nothing left but this earth to roam
I have no ties, no love, no home
All I have left of her is this poem

All I have left of her is this rhyme
Nothing left but this marking of time
Wandering to heal this heart of mine
All I have left of her is this rhyme

All I have left of her is this scribe
Nothing left but rough roads to ride
Rough roads without her by my side
All I have left of her is this scribe

A poem is just words without any song
She was the music and I sang along

-yfp-

Autumn Walk

Acorns crunch beneath my feet
Fall's sheading leaves ankle deep
Swans float by across the pond
Like clouds the angels sit upon
Pause to watch them slowly fall
Leaves of firey colors all
Squirrels scurry here and there
Hiding nuts ahead winter air
Mallards exploding into flight
Protective coves to find by night
Soon these woods cold and bare
Will drift the snow above his lair
Follow tracks up to the den
Beneath the fox sleeps, but then;
He will wake at times and peak
Out to see Spring's promise keep

          -yfp-

Vagabundus

Got a backpack all my own
A laptop and a telephone
On a road to don't know where
In a hurry just to get somewhere
Don't know why it  is I roam
From mountain top to blue sea foam
Someday I might even know
Maybe then I can let it go
Always feeling all alone
Just a dog without a bone
She is gone and won't be back
Her loving arms are all I lack
"Keep keeping on" friends all say
But I know that just won't pay
Tried church and prayer and tears
Tried anger, pain and "I  don't care"
Guess I'll be the vagabond
Drift around till I am found
Maybe one day she will send
To me another love and friend

-yfp-

A Little Lost Boy

Both a little lost boy and a weary old man
Don't know where I'm going or know who I am
We travelled all over free as the weeds
A couple of gypsies like wind blown seeds
It was more than the time together we spent
It was more than all of the places we went
Like the sun and the moon and the stars up above
You were all of the good I was ever made of
You've gone on a trip and left me behind
I  travel alone now searching to find
My life now feels over and I'm always afraid
Without you alongside me what life can be made
Both a little lost boy and a weary old man
Don't know where I'm going or know who I am

                      -yfp-

Life's a Circle

Family ties and my hometown
Like old friends newly found
Roads the same but now fresh ground
Sights anew but familiar sounds
Roots here too but freedom bound
Guess I'll walk again downtown
Wharfs and alleys I must pound
On the trail just like the hound
Something lost and something found
Looking forward yet turned around
Inside out and upside down
Pressing down a thorny crown
The inner smile now a frown
Oh! To be again that clown!
Life's a circle, round and round
               -yfp-

           

Lonely Ranch Road

Scattered my love above a lonely ranch road
Like a promise made and a debt still owed
Released to the winds by two she loved
Free to fly on like the spanish dove
High above that broken heart ranch
High above the tamarack branch
Looking down she will see him ride out
On his favorite mount, the cowboy scout
To check on the fences, the corn and the cows
To check on the water, the field and the plow
If you look in the morning or late in the eve
When the sun is still rising or setting with ease
You will sometimes see them both on that ridge
Between this life and that across a far bridge
One flies to the east on a strong steady wing
One rides to the west where the cowboys still sing
                  -yfp-

For Sheila and Greg - two truest loves leaving two broken hearts - you both are loved more than ever and will never be forgotten. Please watch over us both!

MISS ME - BUT LET ME GO

When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little--but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me--but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone. It's all a part of the Master's plan
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss Me - But Let me Go!
--unknown                      aafe+10

Feeling like a stray dog....

So many mixed emotions from visiting Mikey and Greg's ranch in Liberal, Kansas I cannot write anything at this time. Extreme happiness, extreme sadness, extreme gratefulness......don't know quite where to begin so I will leave it for a future date and sign off with this Robert  Frost poem and leave it at that.  aafe+10


Where had I heard this wind before
Change like this to a deeper roar?
What would it take my standing there for,
Holding open a restive door,
Looking downhill to a frothy shore?
Summer was past and day was past.
Somber clouds in the west were massed.
Out in the porch's sagging floor
Leaves got up in a coil and hissed,
Blindly struck at my knee and missed.
Something sinister in the tone
Told me my secret must be known:
Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad,
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God

-Robert Frost

Off to see the Wizard! <-----click on title to go to OZ

Tomorrow we head out to Liberal, Kansas to visit Mikey and Greg's ranch and farm. This will be a sad reunion. Last Christmas as we all got ready to leave WE CARE HOUSE we all thought we would be back to see each other again. Sheila and I headed off to the Everglades and Mikey abd Greg went home to the ranch after being at WE CARE for almost a year! Little did we know that we would never all meet again. Greg died at home in April. Sheila and I planed to go up and visit them but never made it happen. We both felt terrible about that! Now Sheila is gone and I will go and visit Mikey and see Greg's grave alone. As I was packing things up to take up there I felt overwhelmed with regret, sadness and even anger because Sheila was always right beside me as we packed for a trip. To think of her not there, packing and getting into Farkus for the road trip with me was more than depressing! I put in a CD while I packed and the second song was Neils Young's Harvest Moon! That became our song over the years and I had to go outside and walk around for awhile before I was OK. These weeks without her have not gotten any easier. Mikey and Shane her son and Cody her grandson are harvesting thousands of acres of corn right now and Mikey is helping on the tractor right along with them. I hope that when I get there they have plenty of hard work for me to keep busy at! Mikey and Sheila were very close for the short time we lived together at WE CARE and I am bringing Sheila's little frog candlestick holders that I bought her when we first started going out together. I can think of no one who Sheila would more like to have them, and she would be happy they found a real home. She would not part with them even though we have lived a gypsy lifestyle the last few years! They always reminded me of the whimsical statues of kids playing that we found and she posed with at parks and playgrounds all over the country. All I know is that I have to get away for awhile, stay  busy and figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I am hoping visiting Mikey and helping out on the ranch for a short time will start me in the right direction. I am also bringing her some of her and Greg's belongings left behind at WE CARE last year. After this trip, its a bus ride to New England, a car trip to Michigan and a 2000 mile walk in the spring. If that can't get me back on track, there is no hope.

Sheila dear I miss you more than I have words to say, this is by far our toughest trail with me lagging far behind you! Please give me the strength to see it to the end, and as Bones says in one of his songs, "please grant me safe passage!"  I love you-aafe+10

The jungle, the rock quarry and the haunted forest!

Yesterday I met Rhonda and the kids and after we all had McDonald's pancakes we headed out to Home Depot to get some potting soil. peat moss and pots to repot several plants. When we got there the kids noticed the giant kiddy shopping carts with big plastic cars and dual steering wheels behind the big regular shopping basket. Of course we had to take one for a test ride and as Rhonda talked peat moss and azeallas with the lady in the garden section we went off on an anventure. The kids loved it as we "drove" through the jungle ducking all the ferns and hanging baskets and the stone turtles and frogs in the garden center. We then headed for the rock quarry where they keep all the decorative stone and paving blocks before we got the nerve up to head into the haunted forest, the big grove of potted fruit trees and twenty foot shade trees.The kids squealed as the haunted apple trees "threw rotten apples at us" and Jane had to duck a few times to avoid being hit by one! When we escaped from the haunted forest we headed back inside to the "north pole" in the airconditioning and the cart did a few donuts as we hit several "ice patches"! The kids just couldnt get enough "donuts" so they had to pratice their driving skills with several more before we left for the electrical lighting section where all the lit lights on the ceiling became the stars and moon at night! By this time they were hungry and we stopped by the display of outdoor grills and had some barbeque chicken legs "right off the grill"! After "eating" we had to head back into the jungle and the heat to find Mom. She was still talking with the garden lady and we had to load up the peat moss, new pots and potting soil. It was tough leaving the adventures behind but it was now time to go shopping for some new sneakers for Mazie!

A Truely Brave Marine...Semper Fi Pete!

   Saturday I went to see Pete, a friend and fellow Marine who I have failed to stay in touch with for at least a decade. A DECADE! Where did the time go? What was so important to neglect this friendship all these years. Marines are not supposed to act like this. Marines ALWAYS take care of their own! On this score I have been a miserable failure. All I can do now is make sure this does not continue. I have to admit if Pete was not battling cancer I may not have taken the time to see him even now. That is a the sad truth. What does that say about me as a friend, a person? I also have to admit that if I hadn't just lost Sheila, the complete and total love of my life, that I also would still be thinking only of myself and not have even made the effort to stay in touch. I must really re-examine what I thought was important in life. All that matters in life is Family and Friends! There is, in the end....nothing else! I can only go forward from here. I will stay in touch and see Pete and Carla more often. I am praying Pete wins this battle with cancer. I know first hand the absolulte fear, uncertainty and sometimes hopelessness of that hell on earth that is cancer! 
    We met at the Warbirds Air Show and it was just wonderful to see Pete and Carla after so long. They were doing volunteer work in the museum and the concession stand during the air show. We talked of old times, Marine times and these terrible cancer times. I filled them in on Sheila and our fantastic years together and of our adventures. I was wishing so much that they could have got to know her! I met their son Marshall who is going into the Air Force soon. He seemed to be a great young man, squared away and very bright. He will do fantastic in the Air Force and I wish him all the best! Carla's sister Teresa also came out to visit and it was just great to see her again after an even  longer period of time lost! Carla and Teresa are sisters to Jody, another Marine that Pete and I served with in the Corps! It was like being with friends who I have seen constantly all these years! I felt at ease with them all from the start and we walked aimlessly among all the old warbirds and talked and reminised. They will never know how much that meant to me, especially now. I have been feeling so lost and directionless without Sheila and though no one will ever fill her place, at least I  know there are still people I can lean on from time to time and help me through this! The kindness of family, friends (old and not so old) and even strangers that I have just met at church have kept me from just falling completely apart. I do not have the words to express the love and graditude I feel toward them all. I used to think I never needed anyone's help but I have found that I am no more than a scared little boy since losing Sheila. I wish I had her strength! I feel she is still showing me the way! I just have remember to listen for her.....and she will be there!  

Pete.......SEMPER FI MARINE!!

Sherbet.......aafe+10

Just trying to push on....

The night has a thousand eyes, And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies, With the dying sun.
The mind has a thousand eyes, And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies, When love is done.

                               -Francis W. Bourdillon

Today I got up early and did my pushups and headed to McDonald's for some caffine and the internet connection. Some of the regular seniors are starting to greet me when I find a seat. THAT scares me! I have to get away...soon! I made plans yesterday to go up to Kansas and visit Mikey and Greg and see their ranch and maybe, hopefully I can help them out  with some chores or something. I feel the need to do hard phyical work of some kind. Some soreness, blisters and back breaking  work would take my mind off the real pain, at least for awhile! Speaking of pushups, I told Mikey that since the night Sheila passed away I have been doing pushups in Greg's memory every night before going to sleep. He always did his pushups, even when he was hardly able to get around due to the radiation and chemo. I thought if he could do that every night , what the hell is wrong with me? So I have been doing them every night since.  I have also started doing them in the morning when I get up just for myself. I have to keep active if I am going to get through this. I have discovered that you can't feel sorry for yourself while doing push ups! Tomorrow I plan to go to Lancaster, Texas to the Warbird Air Show to see Pete, a Marine Corps buddy I have not seen in years. He is currently going through radiation and chemo for esophageal cancer and he and his wife are volunteering at the airshow. It will be good to see them again even though they are now fighting this terrible thing. I am just trying to stay very busy and not think too much about my own pain of missing Sheila. She will always be with me and I don't want that ever to change. I just have to learn how to live with myself and remember all the good.....no....fantastic, unbelievable times and places we shared! I will love her always for many reasons but mostly for showing me how to live, enjoy life and become a much better person.                                     aafe+10

Just marking time......

Today I brought Farkus the F'ing Focus in to find out what all the new noises were coming from under the hood.  I was hoping it was just wheel bearings or something fairly minor. No luck. After hoofing it up to the nearest McDonald's to wait the verdict, they called after two hours and said all they could find was all the motor mounts were shot and the engine was tilting heavily when the gas was applied. They could get it fixed today but it would be at least 960 dollars! As much as I would like to live without a vehicle it is just not possible, at least not while in Dallas. I promised under my breath that Farkus would be given a Viking funeral one day on the side of some loney highway! I told them to fix it. Then I left McD's and started walking south toward Cowboy Stadium. What to do all day, on foot, in almost 100 degree weather while Farkus tried and succeeded to rob me blind? I walked along the road while impatient people in six lanes of traffic honked and cursed each other in a big damn hurry to get to the next light. I sucked in exhaust fumes as I walked through the light while big mouthed bikers with loud exhausts tried to convince themselves more than anyone else that they were the real deal. Their big fat bellies and bingo wing arms flapping in the wind as they rode off said otherwise! It was hot, I was in a foul mood and I was missing Sheila so much it felt like falling into a deep dark well. I walked a few miles then noticed a Half Price Bookstore we used to visit. I was walking in an area of town where we had stayed in between trips and passing all those familiar places just made me miss her more. I went inside to cool off and kill some time. I browsed all the travel, history, nature and literature shelves and imagined she was looking at all the fiction novels that she loved to read. I got bored, angry or both, I still can't tell which and went back out into the heat. Headed south again I wandered right in front of Cowboy Stadium and thought what an immense catherdral to that egomaniac Jerry Jones. To think of all the homes people were forced out of to build that monstrosity, just to see a bunch of ignorant unmoral (for the most part) millionaires play a game there and all the lemmings that flock there to worship them, well I wiil not type in all the explatives here! I was hoping some of Sheila's good nature and tolerance would find me about now. I continued in the heat to Walmart to cool off again and maybe get a cold drink. I walked aimlessly through the store then just left without a drink. My mood was getting worse. "THIS JUST SUCKS! THIS JUST SUCKS!!" Mikeys words for how she still felt four months after losing Greg was ringing in my ears. I agreed with her. THIS JUST F'ING SUCKS!!!  I started back north toward City Garage even though I knew the car was not even close to being ready. It was really hot now and my heavy daypack was stuck to my back like a giant gluestick!  Another mile or so and I dropped into a Taco Bell.....again....one we used to go to. I ordered two one dollar burritos and a senior cold drink (they are free) and felt a little better at "gaming" the system for a lousy dollar drink. I got out our bottle of Tabasco brand hot sauce that we got at Avery Island on our last road trip when we toured the Tabasco factory. We always had it in our daypack and it helps when you live off the value menus! After eating quicky, not  liking eating alone now, I left and continued north with heavy traffic right alongside me. So here it is 3:35PM and I am back at the McDonald's I started at early this morning and writing this. I am now thinking if this is what it will be like when I hike north in the spring with Sheila's ashes.......I am in deep, deep trouble! THIS SUCKS!