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Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Round 4 - Toesocks vs. Chemo

Well its 2:17 and we have been back from the Cancer Center for a couple hours now and Sheila is sleeping. She did one chemo infusion while there and has to go back for another dose tomorrow. She also has a 5 day chemo of a different kind in a pack on her and it will run until Monday of next week. Then hopefully a couple/three weeks off till the next round. Two more rounds after this is planned and that will take us into November. Hopefully that will be the end of her treatments and keep it in remission. After 5 years in remission she is considered cured! We are keeping our fingers crossed. Even if all goes as planned she will need to have follow up check ups/blood work and/or bone marrow biopsies done from time to time to make sure it is not coming back. So far I think she is doing as good as anyone can with AML. We see many many people at the Infusion Center everytime we go and none of them seem to be doing as good as Sheila. They have every imaginable type of cancer. Most look to be in terrible shape and it really is disturbing seeing people having to go through this. This has been a hell of an eye opener for me and its scary to think how many of us are headed to this same fate sometime down the road! Its all just a crap shoot, there are just so many things you can do to try and stay healthy and none are any kind of guarantee. While many of the people we see at the Center look like they have already died and just haven't been buried yet I cannot help but think that I do not pity any of them. In fact just the opposite is true, they seem to endure all of it bravely if not humorously and I have to admire that fact. I have to wonder if I would be that brave? Maybe once you have cancer and that fact sinks in you find a way to deal with it. I guess it would be like when we first found out Sheila had leukemia. I know she held it together better than I did but now I feel like I can handle it better than I used to. Maybe its because she is doing so good and it seems less scary or maybe I am just refusing to think about what could happen. Most likely its because she handles it so well that I have to stop and think.....who am I to feel sorry for myself when it is her that has this cancer and not me? Anyways....I try not to go there. If she can deal with this daily all I can do is try to help. there is is......I sometimes feel like I am powerless to help or fix this, just a bystander watching it all unfold, helpless and useless! And this is while she is doing so good! What kind of basket case would I become if she was doing poorly? That I flat out refuse to think about. One day at a day at a time.

Cover pic today is of Sheila and me at Colonial Williamsburg, Virginia at the town square and jail where they used to put people in the stocks for humiliation and punishment a practice I think is sorely needed today!

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