Click on picture to read Chaco's poems

Monday, August 30, 2010

First night at brother Dan's

"Like one, that on a lonesome road
 Doth walk in fear and dread,
 And having once turned round walks on,
 And turns no more his head;
 Because he knows, a frightful fiend
 Doth close behind him tread"
  Woke up today at my brother's place in Avarado, Texas. I am so grateful he is giving me a place to land until I figure out what to do. Yesterday we had an unbelievable celebration of Sheila's life at Rhonda's church. Everyone was so friendly and the love they all shared for Sheila was truly overwhelming. The room was filled with table after table of framed pictures of Sheila's amazing life, along with her hiking gear, toesocks, sandals and other mementos of her. I think now the intense pain, and shock of losing her is being replaced by an even more cold hard lifelong fact, and that is how am I going to continue without her. She was my whole world and entire life. She changed me in so many ways for the better that I cannot imagine life withour her. I am totally lost as for direction, purpose and love of life now. The only thing that keeps me going is trying to do what I know she would want me to do. I don't know how long that will carry me. In the end I still have to wrap my head and heart around going through the rest of my life without her. That one thought is too painful to even consider right now. I plan to help on some projects around Dan's house then I think I will take a bus trip alone somewhere. Sheila and I made this blog to..."explore-dream-discover", but now I am afraid it will be ....."wander-work-wonder".  Wander with no direction, Work at finding a purpose, Wonder how to go on without her.  Life without that even possible?

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