Yesterday was one of the most painful and miserable days I have had since losing Toesocks. I know I am going to miss her forever and that pain will never go away, nor will my love for her. Yesterday though was all about feeling sorry for myself and that cannot continue, she would never have tolerated it! I woke up this morning determined to sort out some kind of plan to keep me going. Toesocks would have wanted me to keep having adventures, enjoy every minute of life and be a good and honest person. Somehow I am going to do just that. She will always be right beside me in spirit and show me the way, if I only pay attention. Today I brought Farkus in for service that is overdue and because of some strange noises coming from under the hood (I think Farkus is also grieving) they made an appointment for 9AM tomorrow morning. So now Farkus will get straightened out. The next step is to help Dan do some projects around his place. He is repainting the room I am staying in and last night I tried to finish that work up. Next he is having new carpet installed in the room, so I will stay there until they come out and install it. The next thing is to visit Mikey on their ranch in Kansas and bring her some of her and Greg's things that were left behind last Christmas at the WE CARE HOUSE. They went home for Christmas last year as did Josh and Letha, while Sheila and I headed off to the Everglades and Florida. Mikey and Greg never made it back, he continued to lose ground and passed away at home four months ago. We all thought we would see each other back at WE CARE after the holidays, we never got to say goodbye! Sheila and I always wanted to visit their ranch and see them again. Sadly that never happened. So I will make it up there and see Mikey and Greg's ranch, his grave there and bring their left behind items to them. Mikey also requested I bring her some little thing of Sheila's that she could have to remember her. They were like sisters and best friends as soon as they met, which to me was no surprise....Sheila was like that with everyone she ever met! Then when I get back from Kansas I plan to hop on a slow bus to New England and visit all my sister's there. Sheila always wanted to take a cross country bus trip and we never got to do that either. She thought we would meet an entirely different type of people on a bus as we did on the trail, the train and other adventures and she wanted to experience it all! I also like the idea of just getting on the bus alone, not having to think about driving and watch the country side and cities just go by the window. Also it will not get anywhere in a hurry and I can just look out the window and be with my thoughts about Sheila and think. That is something I need to do. After wearing out my welcome with all my sisters I will board another slow bus back to Texas and my brothers place and get ready to ride with Rhonda, John and all the kids to Michigan at Thankgiving. There we will again celebrate her life, Thanksgiving, her birthday and bury most of her ashes there at the family cemetary. We plan to have a marker stone engraved with two hikers helping one another up a mountain and the words that she said whenever anyone asked her how she was doing....."Practically perfect in every way". Next up will be our thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail. She didn't like that fact that we were reduced to just section hikers after her broken leg in 2008 and leukemia in 2009. I plan to carry the last of her ashes the entire 2175 miles from Springer Mountain, Georgia to Mt. Katahdin, Maine and leave the last of her on the summit! She loved that idea and we talked about it on the night before she died. We will walk together again with spring all the way to Maine in one hike and she WILL be an AT THRU-HIKER!!
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