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Friday, September 3, 2010

Just trying to push on....

The night has a thousand eyes, And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies, With the dying sun.
The mind has a thousand eyes, And the heart but one;
Yet the light of a whole life dies, When love is done.

                               -Francis W. Bourdillon

Today I got up early and did my pushups and headed to McDonald's for some caffine and the internet connection. Some of the regular seniors are starting to greet me when I find a seat. THAT scares me! I have to get away...soon! I made plans yesterday to go up to Kansas and visit Mikey and Greg and see their ranch and maybe, hopefully I can help them out  with some chores or something. I feel the need to do hard phyical work of some kind. Some soreness, blisters and back breaking  work would take my mind off the real pain, at least for awhile! Speaking of pushups, I told Mikey that since the night Sheila passed away I have been doing pushups in Greg's memory every night before going to sleep. He always did his pushups, even when he was hardly able to get around due to the radiation and chemo. I thought if he could do that every night , what the hell is wrong with me? So I have been doing them every night since.  I have also started doing them in the morning when I get up just for myself. I have to keep active if I am going to get through this. I have discovered that you can't feel sorry for yourself while doing push ups! Tomorrow I plan to go to Lancaster, Texas to the Warbird Air Show to see Pete, a Marine Corps buddy I have not seen in years. He is currently going through radiation and chemo for esophageal cancer and he and his wife are volunteering at the airshow. It will be good to see them again even though they are now fighting this terrible thing. I am just trying to stay very busy and not think too much about my own pain of missing Sheila. She will always be with me and I don't want that ever to change. I just have to learn how to live with myself and remember all the, unbelievable times and places we shared! I will love her always for many reasons but mostly for showing me how to live, enjoy life and become a much better person.                                     aafe+10

1 comment:

  1. Chaco,
    We think of you every day..and if you need to come visit and get a little sweating know Whisper Hill is the place to go :) There is a new chard field just waiting to be weeded! Seriously, though you are always welcome and we would love to see you.