Click on picture to read Chaco's poems

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Michigan Woman First to Discover Four Winged Humming Bird

date- 08-11-09
associated press release

In a far north corner of Michigan today, a woman trying to attract more humming birds to her backyard feed shocked the world of Ornithology by her claim to have seen "numerous" four winged humming birds around her feeder. The woman, a local travel agent and bean picker had tried a new homemade concoction in her backyard feeders. While she refused to say what ingredients made up her home grown humming bird solution it was suspected by the overpowering odors around her home that it may contain one or more of the following ingredients: smoked fish of unknown species, pickled meat of some type, possibly bologna, maple syrup and lots and lots of beans! When asked how she came up with this magical potion she said it was really just trial and error. "One time all it did was attract bats!", she was quoted as saying and...... "the second batch just last summer got rid of a visiting freeloading boyfriend of my sister's!". When a team of visiting Ornithologists from the University of Michigan came to her home to verify the sighting of the four winged birds she was nowhere to be found however. A neighbor said she liked to frequent the nearby bars and gambling establishments. She was eventually found in one of her farm's many outbuildings, one she called, though her speech was slurred, "the sugar shack". There she was found in a stupor with a giant jug under her arm saying over and over, "BY GOD I TELL YA, THEY HAD FOUR G*#DAMN WINGS!!!" She could also not explain the exceedingly strange looking type, of what could only be described as a birdwatching hat, that she was wearing. The visiting ornithologists got the idea that she thought this strange hat, which she said her "sister" mailed to her, had flight properties of its own and would enable her to "take flight" with the next visiting group of humming birds. At the time this report was posted she is was in isolation and being evaluated as to her mental stability. "No comment" was the only answer that relatives who could be located would give.

The cover picture today is of world reknowned adventurer, survival expert and ornithologist , Professor Steve "Mile-or-Two" Chase glassing the hills of Alaska for the bird that was to eventually to earn him his nickname MILE-OR-TWO. He discovered this elusive avian wonder while on a kayak trip in Alaska's Misty Fjords. It is a duck-like bird, who while in the frigid Alaskan waters, ducks its head underwater and whistles through it's ass. This mating whistle can be heard for a mile or two!

No comments:

Post a Comment